You'll Never Take Our…
by musketau
Summary: What happens when you take away what they really need?


Title: You'll Never Take Our…

Author: musketau  
Summary: What happens when you take away what they really need?  
Pairings: None  
Rating: I'll say M for violence (humorous)

Crossover: None  
Disclaimer: All characters are property of JKR and whoever  
else wants to lay claim to them. It's not mine, honest.  
Feedback: Oh, please!

"the Forbidden Forest is off limits to all students, as is the village Hogsmeade, though it is open for students third year and over on specific weekends. Unfortunately I also bare the news that the Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not be taking place this year" (from GOF)

"Reducto!"

This massed spell, from dozens of wands, was screamed in incandescent rage at the tops of their lungs. The sound moved like a living thing, and it would have made the tables shake and the cutlery bounce, but the combined spell sort of outdid it.

Albus Dumbledore, Head Mugwump, Headmaster, and once head of the girl guide troop in his town until someone noticed, lost his head.

No. That's not enough.

His head, his neck, both shoulders and part of his chest did a remarkable impression of a watermelon hit by a .50 calibre exploding round, if it had half a kilo of C4 buried in the watermelon.

The wall behind could very well have been a Pro Hart work, a butterfly expanding upwards either side of his throne.

There was a pause as everyone thought of that, and some looked a little green. Argus Filch, on the other hand, was as red as the wall he just _knew_ he would have to clean up.

Madame McGonagall looked out at a sea of green faces, and nearly 30 wands now tracking slowly but surely towards her. Quickly realising, since she did have some common sense despite being a pureblood (they'd been trying to remove that trait through selective breeding for years), McGonagall stood up.

"As a result of new information to hand, we have decided that when the schools from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang get here" There was a slight flutter of conversation, but not a single wand moved from her face, "We will be having an expanded Quidditch season." The wands wavered slightly "The 4 Hogwarts teams, and one team each from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang".

Thankfully, the wands lowered, and Madame McGonagall slumped to her seat. She'd warned him, several times, but no one could gainsay APWB Dumbledore.

And now he'd learned.

Never take Quidditch away from a group of fanatics. It would never end well.

END

I've been silent for 3 years, but I just read a story that had the first line in it, and could just see Oliver Wood doing either that, screaming "NOOOOOOOO!", or killing himself right then and there with a corn fork and a peanut.

Extra

Filius leant over to Minerva and quietly asked "What happens if the other schoold don't want to compete?"

Minerva didn't turn, but answered quietly "we'll show them what happened to the last person to say no to Quidditch." A small smile appeared on her face "They'll change their minds soon enough".

From in the crowd one person asked tentatively "What's a Triwizard Tournament?".

"Must be like a round robin for the Quidditch"

In her head, Minerva was turning cartwheels and bathing in Catnip (hopefully as a cat). Finally, her plans were coming to fruition. Finally, Quidditch would rule, just as it always should. The World would bow to her legions of Quidditch fanatics, cells of which were in every country. While Oliver was her finest creation, fanatics had been made everywhere, and they would grow. And Grow…..And GROW!

"Mwahahahhaha!"

Filius turned "What was that Minerva?"

Pretending to cough, Minerva replied "Nothing. Just a hairball." She had to be carefull.

But only for now.

Extra Extra

"Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not be taking place this year"

BOOM!

From above, a mighty stone, that thankfully had no use other than to wait to drop on interfering headmasters, squashed Albus to the consistency of raspberry Jam.

Even Hogwarts needed it's Quidditch

"Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not be taking place this year"

From outside the hall came a whooshing sounds, soon followed by crashing noises as every bludger in the school came crashing into the Great Hall (which was really only okay).

Dumbledore had time for one quick "Oh Bugger" before he was beaten soundly to death by the enraged cannonballs. Without Quidditch, who would beat them?

They might have to go back to paying to be beaten.

"Inter-House Quidditch Cup will not be taking place this year"

"That's e-bloody-nough!" Everyone turned to where Harry had stood and screamed at the headmaster. "You've destroyed my life and left me in hell. You've allowed death eaters to teach us, and done nothing to stop people printing lies about me, and gossiping about me. Bot here it stops"

Harry stood on the table, accidentally kicking Rons plate away from him. Not realising the pain awaiting him, Harry screamed "You may take my life, but you'll never take my Quiddi-aargh".

Upon noticing the lack of dinner (it had taken a while, Ron had leapt at the source of his pain, and sank his well exercised choppers (really, he could probably work his way through tank armour with the exercise he gave his jaw) into Harry's leg.

As Harry fell, Hermione rolled up a newspaper and whacked him on the nose. "Bad Ron, Bad."

As Ron whimpered, and everyone else watched the free entertainment (Dinner and a show), Dumbledore slipped away, where he later sipped and drowned in his bathtub (because the house elves were too scared to go there after the 'Rubber Ducky" incident.

Harry later died from rabies, and Ron had to be put down.

The real end


End file.
